Staring Into My Own Eyes

(Mirror Gazing, Digital Reflections, and the Search for Self)

When I was a teenager, I used to lean into the bathroom mirror and stare into my own eyes.
Sometimes for a few minutes. Sometimes for almost an hour.

I was searching—for meaning, for clues, for some kind of answer to a question that haunts most of us at some point: Who am I?

I never found an answer.
But I kept looking. I still do.

Back then, I stared into my own eyes.

Now, I stare at my Facebook page.
I scroll through timelines and tagged photos, watching the digital version of me unfold.

I study those images and quietly ask:
How did I get here?
Where did I come from?
What’s the meaning of all this?

Then & Now

I didn’t know it at the time, but that mirror-staring thing I used to do? It has a name: mirror gazing. It’s been around for centuries. Used in all kinds of ways—psychology, shadow work, meditation, even divination. Sometimes it’s about finding clarity. Sometimes it’s about facing the parts of ourselves we usually avoid. There’s even a phenomenon where if you stare long enough, your face starts to shift. They call it the “strange-face illusion.” It’s not magic, exactly—but it feels like it. Eyes soften. Edges blur. The person staring back might feel unfamiliar. Or eerily ancient. Back then, I didn’t know I was doing anything spiritual. I just knew I couldn’t not do it.

Now I spend more time staring at screens than mirrors. Curated images. Memories filtered through algorithms. I still catch myself searching, though. Still trying to spot some version of me that feels real. Something solid. Recognizable. The essence beneath all the shifting moods and masks—Something I can hold onto, even as everything keeps changing. I think a lot of us are doing that—digitally mirror-gazing. Scrolling not just to remember, but to recognize.

The mirror gave me stillness.
The screen gives me movement.
And somewhere in all that motion… I catch glimpses of the real me.

Both are reflections. Both are riddles. And both, in their own way, ask me the same thing: Are you really seeing yourself?

If you’ve never tried mirror gazing, I recommend it. Not for vanity. Not for critique. Just… to be with yourself. Light a candle. Sit in silence. Breathe. Look into your own eyes like you’d look at someone you love—even if you’re still learning how. Maybe you won’t find answers. But you might find presence. And sometimes, that’s enough.