Don’t tell me I’m beautiful.

‘You’re beautiful the way you are’ is a phrase I’m really sick of hearing. I understand the kind intent but at the same time I feel it’s an awkward and robotic phrase that shows, at least in my situation, that the person saying it isn’t actually paying attention to me. I’m 5’3″, weigh a little over 260lbs, and I’ve been battling with my weight unsuccessfully for over a decade with various diets and exercise routines. I was finally seeing some measure of success this past year and a friend asked me why I was trying to lose weight. She asked me if I was trying to lose weight in order to appear more attractive and when I answered that while I wouldn’t mind appearing more attractive I was primarily concerned about my health she seemed like she didn’t believe me, and my feelings were hurt. I’m a very honest and straight forward person and it pains me greatly when people don’t believe me. Of course I’d like to appear more attractive but I’d like to think that I’m a fairly practical person with some skill at setting priorities and I feel my health is far more important than my appearance. In the last few years I’ve been diagnosed with several conditions made worse by my weight and I can tell from my brief weight fluctuations a great difference in the way I feel and the frequency of various symptoms.

While pursuing a strict diet I’d finally found to work for me several friends and family made comments along the lines of ‘you’re beautiful the way you are’ and ‘you don’t need to lose weight…’. And while they probably expected me to be flattered all I could think was ‘Are you serious?’ ‘Can you not see that I’m severely overweight? So overweight that I fall into the obese category. Do you live so far under a rock that you’ve not heard of any of the health issues caused by obesity, many of which are quite serious. Were you not listening to me the first time I explained many of the dangers of being overweight when we first spoke about my diet?

I get that you may be afraid of hurt feelings, or that some people like for others to be overweight or otherwise flawed as it makes them feel better about themselves, but a true friend should respond with something along the lines of ‘It’s great you’re focusing on your health’ or ‘I love you and think you’re beautiful no matter your size and I support your choices.’ or better yet ‘You’re right, you are really fat. I’m glad you’re thinking of your health and taking action.